When Comparison Leaves Us Lonely

Jesus isn’t measuring your progress, he’s just glad you’re coming ashore.

You know it can be a lonely world if we look around and perceive everyone else to be “performing” better than we are. I think that can be a common misconception, the looking over at our neighbor believing that they are thriving while we are struggling. It makes sense that many of us may feel that way. I mean, look at the social media feeds that bombard that little $1,000.00 anxiety box we keep in our pockets. It's buzz here, ding there, oh look at him or her, they are having a great day again, while it feels that I am here spiraling. If we get off the comparison train for a moment, no worries, there is a new alert flashing across the home screen to bring you back into the algorithmic loop of anger, frustration, elation, and back to self-loathing.

A Bit of Hyperbole—But Not Really

Of course, my rhetoric is somewhat hyperbole, but it does feel that way sometimes, doesn't it? The comparison game is a vicious one and one that can drive someone closer to isolation and loneliness. I am a church nerd, I admit it. Much of my life has been in the work of the church and studying religion. I have seen the comparison game in many of the environments that I have been in over the years. Imagine, even Christians who think salvation is wrapped in the righteousness of God, not their own ability, can be the worst at comparing who is the most spiritual! Of course, some individuals are convinced that their idea of “spiritual” is the right one.

This past week one of the lectionary readings was John 21. That final chapter in John’s gospel is indeed unique for a number of reasons. There is the fact that it seems disjointed and like it doesn't quite fit. Some scholars suggest it was added many years after the gospel was written. It certainly feels as if the gospel has an ending at the final verse of chapter 20, yet who knows?

This passage often gets attention for it is here that Peter is given the chance to proclaim his love for Jesus, three times. It was just a few chapters earlier that Peter had denied Jesus three times. Now he is given the chance to affirm his love three times. Yet that is not what stands out to me in this chapter. What stands out to me is the fact that both Peter and John recognized Jesus, yet they did not respond the same way. The beloved disciple (John) recognizes the resurrected Jesus on the shoreline but stays in the boat. After John’s declaration that it is Jesus, Peter jumps in the water and runs to Jesus.

Jesus Didn’t Choose Sides

When John gets to the shoreline, there is no account of Jesus being upset with either reaction. Jesus doesn't chastise John for not getting caught up in the excitement and for not running through the water to Jesus. In the same way, Jesus doesn't have any ill words for Peter, who in his passionate nature jumps into action. Instead, he invites them both to eat breakfast with him. May I pause for a moment to say, I don't fancy fish for breakfast, but to each their own, Jesus.

This passage speaks to me about comparison. The reality is that God loves us just as we are and loves us for the way we are wired and the way we respond to the world around us. Jesus is not worried about defining the “right” response. Both are loved and accepted on the shoreline. I think Jesus feels the same way about you and I. We are accepted just the way we are.

Finding Home—Whether You’re in the Boat or the Waves

There is no doubt that in the world around us we are quick to label one another and to draw lines on which side someone fits on. Of course, in our minds our side of the line is always the right side. We have very tight uniform definitions of success and what it looks like to win. Perhaps God’s definitions are much different than ours? There is a powerful feeling in being embraced by God, not for what we can do or achieve, but because we are loved and valued for who we are and what we have right now.

Maybe the next time we feel ourselves slipping into the “if we only” syndrome, we could stop and take a deep breath and feel the love of God watching from the shoreline. Jesus standing there smiling while some of us are splashing through the waves and others of us are sitting in the boat, yet there is such joy on Jesus' face knowing that we are both headed to the shoreline of home.

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I wanted to leave you with a little tune to set you in the mood for accepting yourself and knowing that God is embracing you “Just the Way You Are.”

So, I dont publish frequently enough to have compensation but I have decided to add this option, Buy Me a Coffee. This is a small way to contribute to some creative projects I have in mind. Feel free to contribute or ignore, you are loved either way :)